You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
