She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
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If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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