Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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