i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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