im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.