did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"