sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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