At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
