Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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