Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
