i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
