I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
