KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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