is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My pussy is not your playground.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
