found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
