i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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