You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
