Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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