Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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