We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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