how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
