Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
