bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
