So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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