ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Can Purell be used as lube?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
