I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
