Having a random hookup so left but love u
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
