if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize