He is such a slut. More and more my type.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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