My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
