apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
