anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
