dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
