Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
