I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
