remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
