Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
