Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
