hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
