The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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