Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
