So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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