idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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