tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
