I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
