Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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