Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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