After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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