I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
birth control should be required to get into college
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
