and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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