Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
