I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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