He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need water and some morals
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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