I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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