youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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