Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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