I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
