Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
